God I Don't Trust You.....
Updated: Nov 21, 2019
Imagine God telling you " you do not really trust me"! Well for me I do not have to imagine this, it was my reality. I was meditating and the Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart. The Holy Spirit showed me how I always struggled with trust and how having this struggle hindered my faith in God.
Growing up my trust was broken. Having a Father who was addicted to drugs who sometimes did not come home and him not being able to meet my emotional needs the way I needed them to be met damaged my trust. This trust issue carried over into my teenage and adult life. Dating, I would never put "all my eggs" in one basket, I always had to have someone on the side "just in case". Unknowingly, I was afraid to trust. I masked the trust issues by accepting the "players mentality."
Well fast forward to a few weeks ago, God revealed this to me and took this a step deeper and spoke to my spirit saying " this has prevented you from fully trusting me." Not gonna lie, I was in complete denial however, once I let my defense guard down and came to the realization that I was dealing with the only wise, all knowing God- I asked God to forgive me and to show me why this was and he began to connect to the dots.
Just when I thought I faced my past and dealt with the issues I had as a child- God took me to a whole different place. It's like God was showing me to release the last little "egg" I was holding onto and give it to him completely. God was also showing me that there is always something in us we will come to know as we move deeper in him, we will never "arrive".
God gave me a visual: Imagine holding a carton of eggs and it's all you have to eat for a week and God tells you to open them up and drop them on the floor.... he goes to tell you "trust me they will not crack"- crazy right? and if you're anything like me my question is "how is that possible?"... eggs are so delicate.... maybe I should put one aside just in case.....see, there I go, not trusting wondering "how"- Just let go God says, close your eyes and release them to me, do not worry about the how. Now we move into faith [the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen] I close my eyes and dump the eggs (all of them) hoping they do not crack and although I do not see any cushion I trust what God told me to do and low and behold, the eggs are still in shell and they are not cracked!!
God was showing me how we have to trust him and put all our eggs into his basket with no need to worry about the how, the what if's and just in case; how he has us and how we need not to worry even if we've had trust issues in the past- it's ok to trust him, in fact, the bible instructs us to trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart and not to lean to our own understanding in all our ways acknowledge him, and he will direct our paths. Putting our entire weight or putting all our eggs in a basket is the trust he wants us to have with him and his word. Acting out our faith requires complete trust in who he is and what his word says! I want to encourage you to put all your eggs in God's basket with me, let's trust God and believe God's word together!
As I write to inspire you, I write to encourage, motivate and sustain myself.